Washington State born cellist Brooke Scholl is a vivacious and tenacious musician who finished her Artist Diploma at the GGS in 2015. She has dedicated her life to the art of performing and teaching classical music and also holds degrees in Cello Performance from Central Washington University where she studied with John Michel, and from Southern Methodist University in Dallas, TX where she completed her Master’s with Andrés Díaz. She joined us to speak about the injury she’s been working through for the past 7 years and how it has made her a more efficient and resilient musician.
Sounds Like GGS!: Tell us a bit about your injury. When were you injured and what caused the problem?
Brooke Scholl: I have been dealing with pain on and off for the last seven years, never really able to get a proper diagnosis. Depending on where I was living and what kind of health care was available to me, I could not always afford to seek the testing and treatment that I really needed. It came on gradually and would worsen as I would ramp up preparation whether it was for a competition, audition, or solo recital. At times I was able to get acupuncture, which is a miracle for temporary pain relief but is neither covered by any kind of insurance I’ve had nor does it solve the root issue.
The most severe form of this injury manifested itself in March 2019 while preparing a concert with the string quartet I was touring with that year. We had an insane rehearsal schedule of 5-6 hours per day six days a week, and that wasn’t including personal practice time or teaching, so I was playing anywhere from 9-10 hours each day, which was WAY too much! I ultimately ended up losing control over my motor functions and could not grip or hold anything with my left hand. I had to take a break from playing for about 45 days then slowly get back into the swing of things. Touring with the quartet was especially difficult during this time since I was still in a lot of pain, and unfortunately, they were not interested in slowing down. Continuing this pattern of numbing the pain to play just led to more damage (as I’ve discovered this is an overuse injury without proper foundational strengthening) and eventually resulted in me leaving that position to seek healing. In hindsight I probably should have left sooner, but we were at the tail end of a residency I wanted to finish out!
Sounds Like GGS!: How were you able to identify the injury, and in retrospect, would you have been able to see it coming sooner?
Brooke Scholl: My journey to identifying the injury has been a long one, but it is always better to be thorough. In the beginning it was mostly about experimenting with different kinds of treatments and all kinds of tests which did more to eliminate possible causes than it did just to identify the problem right away. For the longest time I was just dealing with frustration that nothing I did was really helping and a lot of tests were coming back inconclusive. So lots of money and time and not a lot of results. Since March 2019 I came to rule out chiropractic adjustments, slipped discs, bone spurs, and nerve damage. It became clear this was a soft tissue issue. Because of the unnatural/forward position cellists play in, certain muscles were working too hard while others weren’t working hard enough. Basically the muscle that is supposed to hold my left shoulder blade in place became so weak and stretched out that my upper ribs and shoulder blade became permanently dislocated (rolling forward towards my pec muscles) resulting in extreme trigger point tightness and swelling in the pec region. These trigger points become so inflamed that it puts too much pressure on the nerve which is what causes the pain, numbness, and weakness. In order to start fixing this at the root of the problem, I am combining stability exercises that are meant to pull everything back in place, deep tissue massage, cupping, steroidal medications for inflammation, and continuing to work at eliminating any residual tension in my playing.
As far as being able to see it sooner, I feel like there’s a fine line between manageable pain and when it goes too far. Sometimes as you’re playing you don’t realize how much you are overworking yourself until things stop working, and that’s when it’s too late. And I think I knew when something was wrong but for multiple reasons chose to keep going. I was in a position where I would have been forced to choose between having a job or not. I was under a lot of pressure from my quartet mates who were not open to shorter more productive rehearsals, and being a cellist in a quartet means that’s YOUR spot. It’s much harder to find last minute subs to fill a seat like that than it would be to fill a section seat in an orchestra. There’s a dynamic and a part that I play in the chemistry of that group which would have been hard to duplicate with such little time to step in. We had a whole season scheduled and I felt it was my duty to do everything I could to help the group excel. So I did what I knew I could do…carry on.”
Sounds Like GGS!: What effect did the injury have on you as a musician?
Brooke Scholl: The injury had a huge effect on me just as a person who functions in everyday life which of course bled into my musicianship. Coming to a point in your career where you physically can’t play really does throw you into an identity crisis! So much of who I viewed myself to be was as a cellist, and when that was taken away it forced me to do some real soul searching. Figuring out who I was as an individual separate from my instrument was not easy and I had to decide whether this was something worth investing time, energy, finances, and grit into in order to achieve long term healing and work my playing back up again. After taking so much time off, you really do lose so much of your endurance, muscle memory, and even mental sharpness and it’s the most discouraging place to be as a musician. Taking the greater part of a year off playing consistently felt like it resulted in a digression of the last 10 years of study. In order to play an instrument well and with artistry you must invest yourself in it every day in order to maintain and grow from where you are. Back sliding really damaged my mindset and approach when it came to my playing and I wasn’t sure I’d ever get back to where I was again, let alone become even better in order to win a position with a performing group.
There was a point in time in which I considered what my life would look like not as a professional cellist (a term I even had difficulty describing myself as…imposter syndrome is real!). A thought that I entertained mostly out of fear of failure and not believing in myself as I should have, but we all have doubts at some point. Listening to my favorite pieces became emotionally conflicting; an overwhelming love for the art and losing myself in the most beautiful music I know was accompanied by the wretched pain of considering the fact I may miss out on my opportunity to create such music and to do it well.
My tipping point came in March 2020 when the pandemic hit, and when in my first week of living in NYC I caught Covid-19. I was very sick for a long time and at one point (due to difficulty breathing, chest pain, and an anxiety attack) I hyperventilated to the point of passing out and in the moment when everything went black, I was afraid that I wouldn’t wake up from that. As I was waiting for the ambulance, the thoughts that occupied the forefront of my mind were of my cello. All I wanted in that moment was to hold my cello and play again. I even bargained with a higher power and promised that if I made it through that scary moment that I would pursue this career with all my heart, strength, time, and resources. What I missed the most in life was performing powerful music with others who shared that same love and passion for the artform.
Even after this wake-up call, it was still going to be an uphill battle, but I approached my instrument with a new appreciation and purpose in mind. I learned to be a musician with my mind, ears, voice, and heart before I became a musician with my hands. I have to be very careful about how I spend my time playing since I have to be more efficient and productive in a shorter amount of time than I ever had the luxury to do so before. Instead of starting from the instrument and trying to create something from my hands first, I’ve learned how to create my “blueprint” in my mind’s eye and have a very clear idea of what I want to achieve before putting it to my hands. Instead of relying on my instrument to lead me, I figure out what I want and then I find it on my cello. This injury, as much of a burden it has been, has changed the way I learn and operate ultimately for the better. This has helped me get back into really good shape as far as my technique and musicianship goes, although the endurance is still playing catch up. Overall, I’m pleased with how quickly everything has been coming back to me!
Sounds Like GGS!: What has your journey to recovery taught you?
Brooke Scholl: My journey to recovery has only just begun, and it will be a lifelong process as long as I continue to play. Building off the end of my last answer, it has changed my perspective on how to approach the instrument and view it as an extension of what I’ve already created in my head/heart. It has taught me never to take my talent for granted and to cherish every opportunity I get to make music. It has also taught me the importance of 360° health. It is important for musicians to maintain a healthy body and mind and to be secure and confident in who we are away from our instruments in order to become the best version of ourselves as artists. Everything is connected and I’ve learned to pursue the balance of all of these things. For instance, when I’m stressed, I play with tension, which leads to injury, which leads to pain, which leads back to stress. See the endless cycle? The only way I’ve been able to break free of this is to give myself grace and listen to my body so I can figure out what needs attention. Maybe I need to stretch and give my hands a break, or maybe I need to clear my mind and journal.
I’ve learned not to pick up my cello until I’m physically warmed up and I’m in a mindset that allows me to stay open to inspiration and creativity and enjoy my own playing. The second I start feeling frustrated and I feel the tension creeping in, I put it down and walk away for a few minutes. I have found that I work better in shorter more concentrated bursts of productivity. In relation to that, I feel like we need to do away with the notion that if you play an instrument, you must play 2 hours of scales and etudes in the morning, then spend 3-4 hours on all your other repertoire uninterrupted in order to be productive. That is the attitude that got me here in the first place. Yes, discipline and scales and practice are important, but there is no ONE WAY to success. I’ve had to figure out what works for me and what I need to do to get better every day. And to that, I’ve also learned from this journey how to own where I am, and how I got here. You can’t lose sight of your purpose and artistic voice in the pursuit of regiment and perfectionism.
Sounds Like GGS!: What are your plans for the future?
Brooke Scholl: As of right now, my plans for the future are a bit unknown, but my primary concern is continuing to get stronger physically and mentally and to become a better cellist and musician every day. I came into the pandemic without a job but I’m determined to out of it at least on the path to my dream career. What this past year has shown me is what I love and miss the most, and that’s playing in an orchestra. I’m never feel more like myself and at peace with knowing I’m where I belong than when I’m one in a sea of many contributing to something greater than all of us. An orchestra job was always something I was tentative to pursue because of how competitive the field is and my paralyzing audition jitters, but everything I’ve gone through has just made me strong and determined enough to finally fight the good fight for the job I’ve always wanted. Orchestral auditions are starting to pop up, and I’ll keep auditioning until I find the right fit. I believe that as long as I play with a heart full of gratitude and continue to be myself unapologetically, I will end up where I am meant to be.
I'd also love to include just how important and impactful my time was at GGS and just how supportive the staff and faculty were. I would not have been able to finish had it not been for them. Special mentions for Peter Longworth (who recruited me and remained close during my two years there), Andres Diaz, Desmond Hoebig, and the administration. I am a product of everyone who's helped me!
“During the pandemic, not having any performance opportunities, making this recording served a lot of purposes. It gave me a performance-like goal to prepare for since it was difficult to stay in a good practice routine without knowing when I’d be able to play in public again. Like most musicians, I have a hard time listening to myself in recordings and I got into the habit of relying on how something felt as I played it and what others said about my playing, as opposed to taking an objective look/listen to myself through a camera. Having this shift in perspective and being able to watch/listen to myself play away from the instrument, I was able to finally see how much my playing had improved and changed. I still have far to go and will never stop trying to get better, but it was refreshing and encouraging to listen to myself and be pleasantly surprised with where I am, especially after taking so much time off. I had lost some stamina and strength, but the muscle memory of our technique will never go away. It just takes time to build everything back up again by you never forget how to play.”
